Friday, July 22, 2011

Dirty Assertions: Come Out Come Out, Where Ever You Are! (A Letter to Future to My Future Job)

Dirty Assertions: Come Out Come Out, Where Ever You Are! (A Letter to Future to My Future Job)

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Come Out Come Out, Where Ever You Are! (A Letter to Future to My Future Job)


Dear Future Job,

It's abundantly clear that your skills at playing Hide-and-Seek are far superior to mine. However, please be advised that I am sick and damn tired of being "It" and, as such, I am officially declaring "Olly-Olly-Oxen-Free". Bear in mind that I will fully adhere to all the official tenants of said declaration including the clause of full immunity to those "Hiders" who make themselves known in a timely manner after the declaration is made.

Sure, it's been a barrel-o-monkeys combing through help wanted ads searching for your elusive ass but the fun has to come to an end at some point- especially now that the funds that made the such seekery possible have run dry and what remains of my self-esteem is rapidly taking on the appearance of a much-loved dust rag.

In sum, I am declaring you the winner and invite you to emerge from your hiding place and claim your prize: me. Indeed, it has been so long since last we met we may no longer recognize the other. To aid you in your efforts to fully comply to my request I will briefly describe my current self: You will know me by my tattered, second-hand clothing and my five-inch-long roots framed by my home-cut bangs. If for some reason this description does not suffice, might I suggest you sniff the wind and follow that cloying aroma of desperation and cheap box wine. There you will surely find me.

I await your arrival with bated breath and ever-increasing unpaid bills!

Yours,

The Job Seeker